What will you choose?
by Sharp Crystal
Summary: Kill or be killed. The fact that not so many people know that they are the same, when you killed someone, that mean you killed your own humanity indirectly. So what will you choose when the consequence is the same? Kill or be killed? Rated M for blood and violence. Take place after the Prophecy, sorry but I don't think there will be Slade, i find it hard to discribe him.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Okay, I have deleted my story: "The things you hid in the past will not always stayed in the past" because I can't think what will happen next, and nobody seem to like it, I'm really sorry anyone like it and want to know what happen. So here is my new story, it's about an OC, it's a little like my deleted story.

Chapter 1: A kestrel can't fly

Red

That all what I could see.

Red.

Like rose, like strawberry, like…like…

Like blood, yeah, like blood.

The liquid covered my face, my fingers, and continue dripping to the floor, created a sound just like rain drops.

I tasted it, it had a terrible but also good smell, and a foul but also delicious flavor

Yes, it definitely blood.

I smiled, a dry smile. Of course it was blood, what else? What was I expected? Tomato juice? And speaking of tomato, I wondered, what did it taste like? Sour, sweet, I didn't know. Honestly, I didn't. I never tasted one before. I licked my fingers again, the red liquid ran down my throat, and down my stomach. I suddenly felt sad, was it the thing I depend on? Was it the thing I need to live, to survive? This red, disgusting thing? Then that mean I was his kind? No, never, I will never be his kind, I will never be him, I loathed him, hated him with all I got.

_My father!_

I hated him, I hated him, I hated him! He made my life miserable, he made people despised me. I hated him for everything. For making my mother sad, for making thounsand life wretched, for…

For creating me.

Why was I here? Why? I didn't know. Why did he create me for? I really didn't know. All I know that nobody wanted me, nobody needed me since I was a child, I was just…an unnecessary thing, a superabundance that didn't deserve life. And why was I here?

Right, I remembered.

Because of her.

She was the only one who loved me, who cared about me, who understood what I felt. She was the only one who really wanted to spend time with me. She was the only one.

She was my twin. My little sister.

But one day, I woke up and she just…gone, vanished, like she had never existed. With all of the information she had told me before, I knew that she had been sent to a place called, what was it? Earth, to served my father evil intention. So I traveled all the way from my home to Earth, another dimenson to find her. I knew she needed me, she was never a strong girl, although she always acted like that, but inside she just a fragile child that hurted so many time, so she created a shield to protect herself, an emotionless, cold shield. She always showed up with that shield, never showed anything but a blank face, even when they insulted her, made fun of her. But in the night, when everybody was aslept, she would cry, she would sit in my lap and cry herself to sleep. I couldn't do anything except sat there and hugged her, told her that things finally would be okay, which I knew it wouldn't. That why I hated them, the people in my dimension, why did they must be too harsh on us? What did we do wrong? We were just children. Why must they treated us like that? We were just different from other children in one thing:

We are a demon's children.

But sespite thet, half of us is still human, why didn't they see that? Why did they always look in our bad side and judged us? That wasn't fair.

But, life never fair.

If life was fair, demons wouldn't exist, if life was fair, my mother would have a happy ending, and if life was fair…

We would never been born.

That was relly trange, wasn't it? Wishing to not be born? But that was true, I always wished like that everyday, I wished my sister never existed, I wished I was the only child, so that I could beared all that pain, that misery. I was strong enough to lived with that.

But then, that wasn't happened, my little siter has to carried all of that for the rest of her life, not me. I never understood that, why must be her? Why not me? I was trash, not her, I was the one who had 90% demon in my body, not her, I was the one whose life depened on blood, not her. She could be normal, she could laugh, could smile, could do whatever she wanted if that person was me.

So do not tell me life is fair and everything will be fine, because I knew it wasn't.

I standed there, licking my fingers and looking at the body lying at my feet. Again, I smiled, that was a excellent choice of job, an assassin. I could have enough blood to drink and I could take care of a lot of inhuman guys. I hated them, they were merciless, hesrtless, evil, and then they could still be accepted, be sympathized, people would say they must have reason to did all of the bad things, they must have been through a lot of thing,… Why? Why did these…rats got all of those things? They were nothing but scum, nothing but a danger to society, and why did they still get acceptance? Why people accepted them, but not me? What did I do? I never wanted to be a demon's child. So many time I standed top of a building, prepared to jump, but then I remebered her, my sister, if I died then, she would have nobody left, so I changed my mind, and continue to lived my hard life. Everyday, I continued my search for her, but I got nothing, still, I knew she was out there, and someday, I didn't know when, I would find her.

I bent down on the dead body, he was a sick killer, who loved to tortured and molested young children bedore finished them off, he had cleaned all the evidences, so that nobody knew that what him. They suspected him, but he was really a careful person. I moved my face near his nearly tore off head, I had to admitted I did a very good job. On his entire body were deep slash, his intestine had been pulled out of his stomach, and his heart was stuck to the wall by a stick. Normally I didn't like to be that cruel, but he had to received what he deserved. His victims were small and innocent children. I put my mouth on the cut and began to suck, his hot blood filled my stomach and satisfied my thirst. I felt despise of myself, again, I always felt like that when I did my job, but this way was better than killed normal people.

I got off his body and standed up when I had done. My meal was over, now I had to went on with my search. Know what I wanted? Freedom, like a bird. I had never expressed freedom before, I never got a chance to do what I want, but that was fine, really, I was used to live like that. After all, I was just…trash.

But I still wanted it, to felt it, even just a second, I want to be free, no worry, no weight on my shoulder, just freedom. Sometimes I wanted to be a bird, to flap my wings and fly away. But I never could do that, reality always pulled me back and reminded me that I had a lot needed to be done.

My name is Kestrel, a kestrel that never could fly.

And this is my story.

**Please review, please!*puppy eyes***


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: First, I'd like to thank you everyone who had spent time reading my story, especially . , who had add my story to his/her favorite list.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans.

Chap 2: Oblivion

It was a cold and dark night. The moon was swallowed by the endless, thick darkness. Everything was covered in black, a sad and sorrowful color.

I was lying on the concrete floor of an abandoned house. There was no light, but I didn't mind, I just lied there in the dark of the night, listen to my heartbeat , the only sound that could be heard in the deadly silence.

Today was not my happy day, in fact everyday was not my happy day, but today was probaly the most.

Like usual, I was hired by a very rich man whose son had been kidnapped. I never really liked that kind of job, what was I, some kind of babysitter? Beside it was just a stupid gang, who else would have kidnapped a wealthy child except them. Another reason that I didn't like rich child, they were arrogant, rude, insolent,… The last time I agreed to bring a child like that home, I had to put a gun to it's head to make it stop treating me like I was it's servant( just to scared it, I didn't put any bullet in the gun). It worked, but I also had to blew up the rich man car becaude he didn't want to pay me, since I had scare his child. That was the last time I worked with rich children. But this time it was different, I hadn't drunk any blood for 4 days, and I was starving, so I agreed to save his son.

Turned out, it was harder than I thought.

The gang had kidnapped his son, they worked for an organization that did illegal experiment on human body. They gave the boy to their boss. It was easy to track down the gang, since they had to asked the boy's neighbor and acquaintances about the boy's schedule, so I just went to those people and asked them. They weren't very strong, I easily defeated them. But it was hard to make them talk about their boss, I had to admit, these guys were very good in keeping secret. I did everything, threatened them, hit them, electrocuted them,…but nothing worked. They still kept their mouth very tight, just like they were clued. So…I did the thing I hated most.

I cut them off.

I hated to do this. This was a waste of time, and it took a very long time to clear evidence. But I had to. Fortunately, these guys weren't very good in suffering. They had given me everything I need when I chop off one of them's leg. It saved me an amount of time. I went to that place, killed the guards, took down evryone got into my way. It was easy since I had to do this a lot of times before.

That was until I got to the laboratory.

When I opened the door, I was stunned.

Human and animal parts were everywhere, contained in the hormone jars. There were a ton of machine, hooked in to white bed, at least haft of the bed had someone lying on it. They were breathing, but only barely. Weird machine surrounded them, seemed like they were the thing keeping them alive.

But that was not the reason I standed there motionless. In the middle of the room, tied to a frame was a body had been cut opened

The body of a small child.

That was not the child I came to rescued, that was a girl, a very small girl. She was very thin and dirty, just like she was a homeless child. Her eyes were closed and she was naked, blood dripping from her stomach. No one was there, everybody had ran out or killed. I slowly moved near her, placed my hand on her nose, and noticed she was not breathing anymore.

She had died.

Suddenly I felt sadness overcame my body. My eyes stung with fresh tears. She reminded me of myself. Tortured, beatened, left, and died

Just like me.

My life had been a chain of pain and sorrow. I lived for nothing, I survived for nothing. I always told myself that I had to continue for my sister, but what would I do next? What would I do when she was finally happy and had a real life, what would I do then?

I honestly didn't know.

I was taught to kill, kill and only kill. Kill or be killed, that was I always been told when I was young. I chose kill, because I didn't want to give up. I didn't want they to laugh at me, I didn't want they to think I was just a useless thing. But after a long time, I had realize that they were the same. Kill or be killed, they all led to a consequence: the death of yourself. When you kill somebody, you're slowly kill your humanity. I had realized that, but when I did.

I couldn't choose be killed anymore.

Because I had died, the real Kestrel had died, leaving me, a monster she had created. How could I be killed when I had already died? Killing myself right now wouldn't make any change. The blood of everybody I had destroyed would always stuck on my hands, never faded away. Even with my death, I couldn't pay the crime I had done. And when I died, would anyone missed me? Would anyone noticed that there was a girl named Kestrel used to live on this world. My sister would do that, but I didn't even knew where she was.

My life was a mess, a thing that never needed, and when I died, I would fall right into oblivion.

Hah, who was I kidding?

I had already fell into oblivion. Since when you ask? I didn't know, maybe when I was born. Nobody happy when I was born, no one, they just standed there and stared at me with fearful eyes, just like what they did when I had grew up. I was just trash, a thing nobody needed, and I would always be like that, nothing but trash, nothing but a forgotten.

Just like the little girl I was staring at.

She was probaly a homeless, nobody knew about her existence, nobody knew that she had died, and if they did, they wouldn't care, why must they care, she was nothing to them. And even if she had a family, they would be sad and desperate, but time passed, and it will drop her into oblivion when everyone she knew moved on, had a better life, leaving her along in the dark.

I looked at the girl's body. My eyes full with sympathy. Why must she died? Why must an innocent child died when all the monster live? She didn't deserve that.

Then, I knew what must be done.

I slowly moved my hand to my pocket and took out crystal dagger, I stabbed it in my heart. I winced a little at the pain and pulled it out. There was a small light on it.

A part of my soul.

Not many people knew this but demons could bring the death to life. They used their dark soul to conceal the dead man and revived him, but he would never be himself again, he would be a zombie served for the demon. Demons could returned his soul and saved him but they would never do that.

When I was born, a little bit of Trigon had stuck with me, included his revived power. But haft of me still human and it wasn't easy for me to bring the death to life. I had to use a little part of my soul to make an exchange, the soul of who I wanted to sved would be returned, and mine would go to hell instead.

I placed my soul inside the girl and waited. Slowly, the wound of her began to closed, and color returned to her face, she began to breath. I smiled and untied her, placed her to the ground. I always happy when I did that, although it would bring me closer to my end but I didn't care, after all, who will missed me?

I founded the rich man's boy inside a cell and brought him home safely. He paid me and than here I was, lying on the floor and thinking about my life.

I saved a child, but there were much more like her out there, the forgotten, the one would never be remembered, and that make me sad.

We lived, we desperately wanted a life, but no one give us, we died, and no one cared.

It would always be a cirle.

They always said that demons were evil, but sometimes I still wondered.

Were human better?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans

Chap 3: I will find you ( part 1)

_A little girl walked on the corridor of a white, beautiful palace. Her face was dirty, and her hair was a mess. A long gash ran from her forhead to her chin, blood was dripping from it. She looked so…slovenly, completely didn't fit for this fancy place. She went to a big door and opened it, revealed a clean bed room with 2 bed. And sat in the middle of the room, was another little girl with a thick book in her lap. She looked up from her book when the door opened, and happily shouted:_

_-" Kestrel!"_

_-" Hi sis, how are you doing?"-the girl at the door smiled tiredly then stepped in, sat down on the floor with her sister._

_-" I'm fine, how about…wait, why there is a wound on your face?"- her sister asked in a concerned voice, leaning in to took a better look at the wound._

_-" Ah, it…nothing."- Kestrel said, wiping the blood off her face: " It just…a little trouble in training. But I'm fine, Raven"_

_-"Did they…hit you again."- Raven asked, touching her sister's forhead._

_Kestrel sighed, then smiled a bitter smile:_

_-"Yeah, but I'm used to. It always like that everyday.", her voice suddenly became cheerer: "But forget about it, how was your train today?"_

_-" It was…normal."- Raven said: " Just like ususal, but I saw mother today."_

_- "Really, mother?"- Kestrel said with an uncertain voice: " You sure that her? I don't think she want to be here."_

_-" Yeah, her. But…she didn't come to see us, she come for some…business."- Raven said, sadness dripped from her voice._

_-" Hey, it's okay."- Kestrel grabbed her sister hand: "She doesn't like us, but that fine, at least we have each other."_

_-" Yeah, each other."- Raven repeated, a small smile appeared on her face: " Kestrel, can you promise me one thing?"_

_- "Sure"-Kestrel smile warmly._

_-"Well. Some day I have to go to Earth to fulfill my destiny, you promise you won't... leave me?"- Raven said timidly._

_-" Of course I won't, you are my only sister."-Kestrel guaranteered: "Even when they separate us, I will find you, I will never leave you."_

_-"Really, you sure?"-Raven face brightened._

_-" I promise."- Kestrel smiled_

"I promise."

I standed on top of a skyscraper and looked at the night sky, it was red, looked like it about to rain. I sighed, the memory just appeared, it alwy haunted my head like a ghost, never left, it reminded me the promise I had broken, the promise I had failed to accomplished

The person that I had failed.

I had failed her, my sister, I promised I would be there for her and I didn't do it. I wasn't there when she left, I wasn't there when they took her away.

Did she hate me?

Did she hate me for being a bad sister? Did she hate me for not be there when she needed most?

I hoped that she wouldn'tm although I knew I deserved that, I still hoped she didin't hate me, because if she did…

I would have nobody left.

Everyone hated me. I mean, why wouldn't they? I was a curse, a blood sucker demon, a breed of a monster, a trash. Even I hated myself. Why must I became this? Why must I became this…this monster? Fuck life! Fuck everyone lived in it! Why couldn't they understood? Why couldn't they understood that I never wished to be like this? Why must they made me into a monster that I hate so bad? Why couldn't they know that?

They only saw me at a demon, they only saw the blood that ran through my vein as the blood of my god damn father.

They didn't see that a part of me was still human, they didn't see that part was desperately cried out, to be treated normally, to had a normal life. Nobody cared that half of my blood belonged to a human. Nobody cared that I was a half human.

No.

They only cared that I was a half demon, and demons didn't deserve to have a happy life.

Even my own mother thought that.

A rain drop on my shoulder, then thounsand of them. My eyes left the sky to gaze at the crowd beneath me. They were yelling and running around frantically to find shelter. They didn't like the rain. They hate it when it make them wet, make them dirty, they angry when it raining, they didn't accept the rain like the other weather.

Just like they didn't accept me and my kind.

They never liked it when we were around, they happy when we died, when we disappeared. They thought we were just an unnecessary thing, a thing that only survived to make people suffer, to humiliate them. Just like what they though about rain. Rain was good, rain was one of the thing that keep them alive, but they never appreciated it. What did we do wrong? What did we do wrong to make them treated us like that? I lifted my hand to the air, watching as rain drop on it. A few stayed on my hand, but a few slipped away and fell to the ground. I wondered about our fate. Would it alway be like the rain? Our fate was fall, fall, and fall, until we couldn't fall any more? Was it? The rain on my hand reminded me of myself and all of the half breed that hadn't reached the bottom yet, the one that realized the similar between kill and be killed, the one had stopped when it wasn't to late. But no matter how hard we try, we could never go back. We couldn't return to what we used to be. We trapped between hell and the world that the us, only could go down, but never up again. But that would never be eternal, some day, we would reach the limit, there would be a day, when we couldn't stand it anymore and let ourselves fall again. We were tortured by our past, by our demon inside, by the ghost of who we killed. One day, when the rock we stand on couldn't take the weight and broke, we would fall, fall and fall.

I had seen so much of my kind fell, I had seen them suffered and then succumbed to the darkness inside, I had seen them turned completely into a monster, a killing machine.

And I always wondered.

When would my turn come.

I gave out a heavy sigh and jumped off the building. My feet touched the wet ground and made a sticky sound. No one noticed me, they were busying shetered themselves. I put my hood up to covered my face. Unlike my sister, I never used a cloak, it was too…uncomfortable, I prefered a hoodie instead. I walked on the street, ignored the rain dropping on my head, it just like lifted someone in my kind up, kept them far away from the terrible fate beneath.

When I walked past an alley, a sound of fighting and yelling inside caught my attention. It wasn't the fight that made me stop, I had seen a lot of fight on the street before, it was the voice of a child made me stop. What was a child doing in that mess? Suddenly a bruised form of a small boy about 6 years old was threw out of the alley. He sat up and groaned in pain, his breath was ragged and he kept crawling backwards, his eyes full with fear and they focussed on the person was stepping out of the alley. That was a tall man with muscular arms and tattoos ran along them, he had a menacing smile on his face as he approached the kid. My eyes narrowed, I usually didn't like to step into anybody's business, but I extremely hated who bullied children.

-" Hey, leave the kid alone."- I said, moving toward him.

He turned back, and gave me a sick grin:

-" Oh hey babe, what are you doing here?"

-" That's not your job. Now stay awy from the kid."- I told him, danger filled my voice.

-" Wow, you're really a fierce one, aren't you?"- he stepped slowly to where I was standing: " May be when I'm done with the little rat, you and I can come to my place and…"

He didn't said anything next, probaly because my fist had already connected with his nose. He stumbled back in surprise, covered his now bloody face. I standed still, prepared.

-" Little bitch!"- he roared: " You wanna play rough?"

He took out a pocket knife from his belt and ran toward me. He gritted his teeth while slashing at me, swearing continuosly poured out of his mouth. I moved out of his knife's way, a small smile appeared on my face. So he really wanted to do this? He really thought I was a normal girl, this guy really underestimated woman so much. Did he really thought he could beat a half breed was taught nothing but kill with only a pocket knife?

-" Stay still you little fucking bitch!"- he angrily yelled, losing patience, his slashing became more vilolent and more quickly.

-" So you can easily kill me? Nah, I don't think so."- I swifly make a few skip to dodge his knife, the smile still stayed on my face.

-" I gonna fuck you up, you little bitch!"- he roared, he looked extremely pissed right now. I gave out a low chuckle, it had been fun, but it time to ended this.

-" You…"- he stabbed the knife right at my chest, I raised my hand. His face turned from angry to disbelived, a gape escaped his lips. The knife that was supposed to stick to my heart, now was lying still between my fingers. I gently threw the knife to the ground, then turned back to him and spoke in a threatening tone:

-" I'm what?"

Immediately I gave him a hard kick to the side, then a punch to his already damaged face. He staggered, looked dizzy from the force of the attack, but managed to threw a fist at me. I caught it by one hand then twisted it, earning a painful groan from him.

-" What's wrong? Wasn't that you said you gonna fuck me up? Well, I'm waiting."- I taunted, twisting his hand a liitle harder.

-" What…are you?"- he chocked out. That didn't surprise me, whoever I beated ask me the same question.

-" I am what God want me to be."- I answered simply, it was true, I never wished to be like this: " You didn't answered me.". I twisted with more strenght than before, a few crack sound came from it made me smile satisfactorily.

-" Stop…P..please,"- he miserably said. Pathetic! He was the kind that whenever in a little bit danger, he would surrender instantly. God, I hated this kind the most.

-" What did you have with the child? Answer, and I will stop."- I said.

-" He…he saw something that he didn't need to see! I'm honest, that all my boss told me!"- he panically yells, desperately tried to move his hand of my fist.

-" That all?"- I asked and checked his mind, he didn't lie.

-" Yes! Yes! I swear! Now please let me go!"- he pleaded, I could see tears forming in his eyes. Coward! I mentally cursed then twisted his hand as hard as I could, completely broke it. His shriek echoed through the alley as he collapsed, holding his hands and cried. I walked past him to reached the panic kid sitting in a corner, looked extremely scare.

-" Hey kid."- I bent down and smiled warmly, that was the thing you must do when you faced children, otherwise they would cry really loud and you got nothing from them: " What's your name? How old are you?"

-"J…Jake."- he timidly answered: " And I'm 7"

-" Okay, Jake, now can you tell me what is going on, why that guy was after you?"- I asked again.

-" Well…me and my sister were going home from the grocery, then…then we heared yelling and loud sound came from an abandoned factory. N…nobody was near there so my sister went to check it out. Then later I heard her scream for me to run away. I…I didn't understand anything…but then that creepy guy came out and start to chasing me. That…that all I know, then I ran and ran until I got here, I…I didn't even know what happen to my sister."- his voice shaking and he started to cry. I didn't know what to do, I meant what was I? A baby sister? I hadn't taken care of any kid for at least 8 years. I slumsily reached out a hand and patted his head, that all I could think of. I waited until his sob began to stop, then said:

-" Okay, Jake, I can help you with this."

I didn't know what made me said that. I thought it because…I understood him, I was not a little sister, but I was an elder sister, and I knew how much a sister meant to a kid, especially when they were orphan, I saw that image when I touch Jake, their parents had died in a car accident and his 18 years old sister raised him since that. I and Raven might not orphans, but we never got a lot of love from our mother, we had to depended on each other to live. And I guessed that made me understood him.

-" You can?"- he asked, his face brightened up with hope.

-" Yes, show me whre was that factory."- I told him, then both of us stood up, and walked out of the alley, leaving the pathetic crying asshole on the ground.

**Author's note: **I was going to write it all, but I was too lazy, I will write what next tomorrow, may be. And anyway, I wanted to thank . again for favorite my story, sorry because I had accidentally erased your nam last time.

Thank you for reading my story, please review!

***puppy's eyes***


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